Two-thousand eight has not been a year to remember thus far for Wisconsin head football coach Bret Bielema. The Badgers lost to Tennessee 21-17 in the Outback Bowl on New Year’s Day. His offensive line coach left the team to take over the same position at UCLA shortly afterward. And several players have gone down with injuries during spring practices.

Throughout all of these difficulties, Bielema’s girlfriend has remained by his side, publicly supporting him in front of Madison’s overly critical press corps.

Yet that changed Monday when even Bielema’s girlfriend gave an impromptu press conference at the McClain Center, chastising the head coach for his overbearing 1-0 philosophy.

“At first it was cute,” Bielema’s girlfriend said. “He’d say things like, ‘Have a 1-0 day today, honey,’ or ‘Wow, that’s a 1-0 hair style.’

“But now everything has changed,” she continued. “Now he says, ‘That wasn’t a 1-0 kiss,’ ‘What the hell? My last girlfriend knew how to make 1-0 omelets.’ I just can’t take it anymore.” When asked to comment on the turmoilcaused by his 1-0 policy, Bielema sounded puzzled.

“I really don’t know what’s wrong,” he said. “I took her out to this great 1-0 restaurant on Valentine’s Day. We only go to 1-0 movies. Heck, I even did a 1-0 job vacuuming the apartment last weekend.”

Current and former players had mixed opinions about what their coach’s girlfriend said.

“The whole 1-0 thing doesn’t really bother me as a football player,” linebacker DeAndre Levy said. “But if I had to live with the guy, yeah, it’d probably get old pretty quick.”

“When I told my girlfriend about going 1-0 she slapped me in the face,” senior quarterback Allan Evridge said. “I think she thought it was some sort of sex position, though.”

The most intriguing comments on the issue came from former Badger signal caller Tyler Donovan.

“I really don’t know like, how … you know … you can live 1-0,” Donovan said. “I suppose you could have 1-0 hair. Yeah, I’d probably say I got 1-0 hair.”

Bielema’s girlfriend grew more emotional as she cut to the heart of the 1-0 debate near the end of her press conference.

“Some things just aren’t 1-0,” she said. “When you’re making passionate love with someone it’s not 1-0 love making or 0-1 love making. When you cut the grass you don’t do a 1-0 job or 0-1 job. You just cut the fucking grass.” Bielema disagreed.

“Everything in life comes down to the principles of 1-0,” he said. “When God made the world, do you think he would be satisfied with a just OK world? No. He made a 1-0 world. And I’m not going to be satisfied until I have a 1-0 football team, a 1-0 haircut and a 1-0 girlfriend.”

When asked how he felt about the subject Bo Ryan did not hesitate to say exactly how he felt in the most roundabout way possible.

“1-0, naw, I don’t really buy that,” Ryan said. “Is that some weird voodoo? No, I don’t know, I heard that CCR song on the way here. What’s it called? “Born on the Bayou” Isn’t that song about voodoo? No?

“Well, I don’t know, I mean I do the same things all the time so I guess you could say I live by a 1-0 philosophy. But there was this guy back in Chester. Pa. We used to call him 1-0 Lewis. Well one day 1-0 Lewis hit this jump shot…