Live from Parachinar, Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden emceed the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the world’s first Teach Against America base. Two UW-Madison students—who will join the TAA corps in Sept. 2008—streamed the broadcast in Helen C. White library in an effort to bring attention to their cause.

“I thought being a raging liberal was enough,” future corps member and senior Ashlee Loltruism said. “But in order to close the post-modernism gap, one must support viewpoint diversity even if it means enabling the terrorist schemes of non-military combatants.”

According to Teach Against America officials, the organization aims to incite venomous anti-American sentiments among school-age children. Standardized tests in the Parachinar region—as compared to surrounding propaganda-rich regions—indicate that students’ hatred for the United States falls well below desired potency.

“Of the million children growing up the absence of a rich anti-American curriculum, only half will graduate from terrorist school,” said Mullah al-Zawahiri, TAA executive director. “Those that do graduate will sabotage America at a sub-venomous level.”

Since committing to TAA’s controversial mission in January 2008, Loltruism and fellow UW corps member Bret Hibbert have become the foci of U.S. Homeland Security Department suspicion.

Hibbert said he regards the department’s misgivings as unwarranted, though permitted by the flexible strictures of post-modern thought.

“The warm embrace of post-modernism transcends differences of opinion,” Hibbert said.

Loltruism agreed: “When we focus on the interconnectedness and irreferentiality of the world’s peoples, we come to realize that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ It’s not my place to say suicide bombing is ‘wrong’ or ‘right.’ It’s merely expression.”

Hibbert and Loltruism will advocate ‘mere expression’ when classes begin in Sept. 2008.