Behold the bread basket. This masterpiece of restauranteurs is the culmination of their efforts to keep the palette satisfied until your entrée of choice emerges from the kitchen. That bread basket has the potential to foretell how the rest of the meal will go. This carbohydrate- filled creation speaks volumes for any institution that chooses to serve it. And obviously, the more herb butter, the better.
Let’s be honest people—the bread basket is the ultimate test of a restaurant’s appeal, so of course there is some intense criteria for rating it. For explanatory purposes, I will divide it up into three categories: presentation, variety of bread and delectability.
Most importantly, we judge the bread basket by its appearance. If the rolls or slices are merely thrown in a wicker basket and placed onto the table, you’re not having a good dinner, it’s just that simple.
However, if the bread is ever so delicately arranged in a ceramic dish with a napkin folded over it to keep the carb-fest warm, how much happier are you? A pretty presentation worthy of any Top Chef Quick Fire Challenge is the first step on the path to bread basket success.
Next, the bread must be of a very specific variety. The bread cannot simply be a basic type like white or wheat. I need some herbs, nuts, seeds, etc. Basically, I want to be wowed. I want to go into a restaurant and feel the need to stand on my chair and exclaim to all of its patrons, “This bread is amazingly different!” Aside from the bread’s decoration, shocking shapes are always welcome, too. Sticks are a good option, as are foccacias, flatbread and various baguettes.
Last, but most certainly not least, is the taste. A bread basket has to possess a complex blend of flavors in order to truly win my heart. Upon that first bite, I want my taste buds to be exploding with excitement over the freshly baked, sweet goodness.
Bread without good flavor is like finding that perfectly sexy guy in a bar only to learn that he has nothing to say and is dumber than rocks. I’m not going to indulge if I don’t think it’s worth it, so I most definitely do not want to be let down by a lack of tastiness. Just like people, bread needs to have fire, heat, sweetness and flavor.
I know that my idea of that perfect cornucopia is quite explicit, but they say that first impressions go a long way. You can tell if you’ll get the job you’re pining for from the initial handshake with a potential employer, or if a relationship will turn out well from the first kiss with a potential boyfriend. You can even tell how good your night will turn out after the first run-in with a shot glass of the evening. The same goes for the food’s first presentation in a restaurant. Spontaneity is great in certain circumstances, but without the initial taste of things to come, I’d feel a little lost.
The bread basket is like the first date—usually you can just tell if it’s going to work out. And when it’s good, you’ll want to take it back to your apartment—for a sandwich, of course!
If you know of any foccacia/warm/olive oil bread looking for female/19/hungry, e-mail Ariel at akraut@wisc.edu.
